08/02/2016Hey Brad,Okay - just want to be clear: the inventor is living in a house, the landlord of which is a 'scrap metal' merchant, or someone at least who works with metal things - as in the padlock? Your script and storyboard communicate well enough, but I'm just a bit unclear about what the other character is doing with the padlock downstairs, and why he's fiddling with it. For a while there, I thought the Egor character was thinking about putting the padlock on the inventor's door, so he couldn't get in because he owed rent etc..? If the padlock is not being used in any real sense, then arguably the Egor character could be working on anything metal for your story to work. To me, it just seems overly complex somehow that you've got an inventor living in a room of a building that is also a workshop of some kind. Wouldn't it work just as well if the landlord was just a landlord, and the action that cuts back and forth shows us the landlord below gathering his stuff together to evict the inventor and blockade his door, so hammers, chains, nails, padlock etc. You can still have the lovely funny ending in which the 'rent due' notice ends up on the landlord's face. This makes more sense of the fact that when we meet the landlord he's irate, that the inventor himself has had multiple warnings about his various disturbances, and finally enough is enough, and then suddenly the padlock is a logical object for the landlord to be in possession of. Does that make sense?In broad terms, the cutting back and forth between the two rooms is funny, and your storyboard 'reads' as comedic. You are asked to submit a presentation storyboard as part of the submission, which means producing a polished version that makes full use of storyboarding conventions. I think your boards communicate, but I'd like to see them polished up and made 'client facing'.In terms of the level of finish etc. I'm expecting from students re. their character sheets and environment designs etc. take a look at Lewis and Manisha's blog as something to aim for. I'm looking for an emphasis on clean, crisp paint-ups etc:http://lewispuntonanimation.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/from-script-to-screen-patissier-turn.htmlhttp://manishadusilacaanimation.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/from-script-to-screen-character.html
Thank you Phil, I'll get right on it !